The way parents communicate and approach their child’s training and competition is crucial for the child’s mental growth, self-esteem, and overall athletic development.
We’ve often discussed how focusing solely on results can limit the development of young athletes. This results in a counterproductive language from both coaches and parents.
In our country, where sports participation is generally low, parents who often lack personal experience in sports tend to become mere spectators. Acting as fans, with the best intentions at heart, they might say and do all the wrong things, often inadvertently contributing to poor performance and, in some cases, leading to their child abandoning the sport during adolescence.
Let’s explore with Stefano Lopopolo, an expert in sports psychology, how parents should approach their child in the context of training and competition.
“One of the most important things to do is to start by changing even a simple word when asking a question to the child or teenager. That is, replace ‘why’ with ‘what.’
By changing our questions from ‘why’ to ‘what,’ we also change the outcome of the conversation. The word ‘why’ suggests looking for blame, while ‘what’ refers to situations. What can I improve? Who or what can help me? What did you do well in this match? Because even when you lose a match, you certainly did something well. Therefore, it’s important to maintain a curious mindset. What can I learn from this defeat? And also, who can I learn from? Sometimes, my opponent has a lot to teach me! Or even, where is the opportunity? How can I succeed? How can I stay calm and composed?
These are all questions that force us to approach situations differently. So, as parents, we should learn to ask, ‘What happened?’ instead of ‘Why did you do this?’
Encouraging always, without focusing solely on the result, and maintaining a curious perspective even in defeat is crucial. Because even in a failed attempt, there are surely positive aspects.
We can say, ‘Yes, you lost the match… but your execution speed was excellent, you moved well, your tactics were right, I saw you remained calm, your opponent was higher ranked, but you still performed well.’
There are many situations where, even in a defeat, if we examine them, you find positives that make you feel better.
By working on these factors, which might seem trivial at first glance but can make a significant difference, coaches and parents can work in harmony, and parents can become a great support for both their children and the coaches. If written feedback is kept, one might note that ‘Carlo lost 15-7, but he maintained a positive attitude throughout, never lost heart, and consistently executed with good speed, etc.’
The coach’s review together with the athlete is then certainly constructive for both personal and athletic growth.”